How to Get Famous Read online

  Table of Contents

  Extract

  Other titles

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  A Note from Pete Johnson

  'It's so frustrating,' I cried, 'when we know we've got all this talent inside us. Georgia, the world is waiting for us. We've just got to get famous somehow.'

  'Get famous,' repeated Georgia. 'We'll keep saying that to each other so we go out and find that lucky break.' Her eyes were gleaming and we were both elated now by the huge adventure which lay before us. Then she looked at me and said solemnly, 'Get famous, Tobey.'

  And I repeated equally seriously, 'Get famous, Georgia.'

  www.petejohnsonauthor.com

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  Funny Stories

  THE BAD SPY'S GUIDE Shortlisted for the 2007 Blue Peter Book Award Book I Couldn't Put Down category 'This book grabs you from the first page (5 stars)'

  Sunday Express

  HELP! I'M A CLASSROOM GAMBLER Winner of the 2007 Leicester Our Best Book Award Winner of the 2007 Sheffield Children's Book Award (shorter novel)

  'A real romp of a read that will leave readers ravenous for more' Achuka

  HOW TO TRAIN YOUR PARENTS 'Makes you laugh out loud' Sunday Times

  TRUST ME, I'M A TROUBLEMAKER Winner of the 2006 Calderdale Children's Book of the Year (Upper Primary)

  RESCUING DAD

  'Most buoyant, funny and optimistic' Carousel

  Thrillers

  AVENGER

  Winner of the 2006 Sheffield Children's Book Award, Children's Books, shorter novel Winner of the 2005 West Sussex Children's Book Award 'Brilliant' Sunday Express

  THE CREEPER

  'Explores the subtle power of the imagination' Books for Keeps

  THE FRIGHTENERS

  'Prepare to be thoroughly spooked' Daily Mail

  THE GHOST DOG

  Winner of the 1997 Young Telegraph/Fully Booked Award 'Incredibly enjoyable' Books for Keeps

  TRAITOR

  'Fast-paced and energetic' The Bookseller

  PHANTOM FEAR

  Includes:

  MY FRIEND'S A WEREWOLF and

  THE PHANTOM THIEF

  PETE JOHNSON

  HOW TO GET

  FAMOUS

  This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author's and publisher's rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

  ISBN 9781407044200

  Version 1.0

  www.randomhouse.co.uk

  HOW TO GET FAMOUS

  A CORGI YEARLING BOOK

  ISBN: 9781407044200

  Version 1.0

  Published in Great Britain by Corgi Yearling,

  an imprint of Random House Children's Books

  A Random House Group Company

  This edition published 2008

  1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

  Copyright © Pete Johnson, 2008

  Chapter head illustrations copyright © Nigel Baines, 2008

  The right of Pete Johnson to be identified as the author of this

  work has been asserted in accordance with the

  Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  This electronic book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher's prior consent in any form other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

  Set in 14/15.5pt Century Schoolbook by Falcon Oast Graphic Art Ltd.

  Corgi Yearling Books are published by Random House Children's Books, 61–63 Uxbridge Road, London W5 5SA

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  Chapter One

  TUESDAY MARCH 2ND

  4.30 p.m.

  Hi, Cloud Nine,

  Hope you're feeling really well. You're about to play a very special tape: MINE.

  I have followed your instructions and limited myself to two minutes exactly. But I wasn't sure which of my many talents to show you. That is why I've jumped from telling a joke to an impression of an extremely angry sheep. I can also do cats, dogs, ducks and elephants – and in a whole variety of moods too. My tape ends with a cartwheel.

  So just sit back and enjoy!

  from,

  Tobey Tyler (a name to remember)

  Now Cloud Nine is this new talent show for 'young stars of the future' (ages 10-15). And after watching my tape I was certain Cloud Nine would get all excited and say: 'Hey, here's a boy who can do jokes, animal impressions and cartwheels. We must sign him up now.'

  But today, my ever-so-friendly letter and audition tape has come back in the stamped addressed envelope provided by me (but which I never, ever thought they'd use).

  They had also thrown in this unsigned card. It said: 'Sorry, you haven't been chosen to appear on Cloud Nine this time. But thank you for your interest, and don't forget to look out for this great new show, will you?'

  The card was so annoyingly cheerful I hurled it across my bedroom, just as my mum popped her head round the door. 'Look at the mess you're making,' she cried.

  I'm sorry, but one card nestling on the carpet is not a mess. I didn't argue though (too grief-stricken); instead I informed her of what had happened. She didn't even pretend to look shocked, just said, 'Oh, I expect they had hundreds of tapes sent to them.' Then she asked me what homework I had tonight. Cheers, Mum, for being so understanding.

  I wondered suddenly if Georgia – we'd filmed each other's audition pieces with her mum's camcorder – had also received such a gruesome parcel. Should I ring her?

  4.45 p.m.

  Actually, Georgia rang me. 'Are you in receipt of a foul-looking package containing—?'

  'Yeah, yeah, yeah,' I interrupted.

  'But my mum says not to worry,' she cried, 'because they haven't possibly got the time to look at them all . . . they just pick out a few tapes and ignore the rest.'

  'Well your mum certainly knows about show business. So we haven't actually been rejected at all,' I went on.

  'Oh no, my mum was quite firm about that – we just haven't had our chance yet.'

  How lucky Georgia was to have such a very wise mum, I thought. Then I said, 'Well, I'm relieved we haven't been rejected, because I thought my audition tape was quite marvellous.' Then I added, 'And yours was pretty good too.'

  'You're too kind.'
r />   'I know.'

  'So my mum says we mustn't get despondent.'

  Cheering words, even if Georgia did sound pretty despondent while she was saying them.

  Life is very hard when you should be insanely famous – and you aren't. So I'm waiting, very patiently, to be discovered. Georgia is too. She told me she's been acting in plays and going to acting classes since she was four . . . that's eight whole years. You'd have thought someone would have spotted her bright shining talent by now.

  As for me: well, my last acting role was playing the fourth shepherd in a nativity play. To improve my very dull part I threw in an impression of a lamb who was lost and baaing for help. Personally, I thought it was the highlight of the whole play, and it certainly got a huge laugh. But instead of thanking me afterwards for livening things up, I got the sack.

  Right now, I'm not appreciated – anywhere. But my life isn't going to stay like that. I know there's gold in me that's just waiting to be brought out by a TV camera. That's my top ambition – to be a TV star. And it will happen. Have no doubt about that. That's why I practise my autograph every single day.

  Does that make me seem like a bit of a SADDO? Well, don't you dare even think it, because I'm not. I just want to be completely prepared for the moment when fame strikes. Here's my latest version.

  TobeyTyler

  I bet you like the way I've joined the two names together. Dead professionallooking, isn't it?

  WEDNESDAY MARCH 3RD

  Guess what: I'm not allowed to watch TV when I want now. This is my parents' latest crackpot idea. No, I have to go and ask their permission first.

  'Did you know,' said Mum tonight, 'that by the age of six, most children will have seen six thousand hours of television?' 'Is that all?' I said. 'I thought it'd be tons more than that.'

  'In your case it probably is,' said Mum, looking guilty and sad at the same time. She went on to say how she thinks I'll be calmer and more peaceful when my mind is freed from TV and advertising.

  'And you'll be able to concentrate better on your schoolwork,' chipped in Dad.

  My mum's bad enough – but my dad's a scary dude. Even when he's in a good mood he looks as if he's been dead for at least a week.

  But tonight when I told him the show I wished to watch, his face turned bright red with rage. 'That sounds like utter tripe . . . and if you haven't got better things to do with your time, I'll find you something else to do.'

  Mum managed to change his mind. I heard her whisper, 'The important thing is that Tobey is making choices.'

  But the horror didn't end there. Dad insisted on watching the show with me. It was called KIDZ. And straightaway Dad started complaining about the spelling. 'Why don't they spell the word properly? It's K-I-D-S with an "S".'

  'They just wanted to be a bit original,' I explained patiently, 'because it's a cool, new show.'

  Then the presenter started speaking and Dad gave this great bellow of fury. 'Why can't presenters today pronounce their words properly? It's lazy and sloppy.'

  'Hey, take a chill pill, Dad.'

  'Are you going to watch this programme or annoy me?' he snapped.

  'I can do both,' I quickly replied.

  But Dad didn't smile. In fact, he switched the television right down, as he said it was giving him 'a bad headache'. So of course, I could hardly hear it at all now. And while the credits were still rolling he switched the television off again. 'How anyone can choose to watch that is beyond me,' he moaned.

  THURSDAY MARCH 4TH

  Ever since she moved here last October, a pack of girls in Georgia's class have been making her life a misery – for no reason at all. They keep stealing her stuff and doing mean little things like . . .

  Well, the first time I ever spoke to Georgia (she goes to an all-girls school and I'm at an all-boys school – boo, hiss) was in the local newsagents one day after school. I went up and asked if I could take something off her back.

  I knew right away she thought I was mad – people are always thinking that about me, actually. I can't think why. But she said, 'Yeah, all right,' while getting ready to run for her life from this loony boy.

  But instead I peeled off a massive sign which said 'MOST UNCOOL GIRL ON THIS PLANET', and she gave this huge gulp of horror and yelped: 'Oh no.'

  She looked so distressed I said quickly, 'Look, don't worry, no way are you the most uncool girl on this planet. I've seen loads of girls who look more uncool than you . . . In fact, I've passed at least two on my way home tonight.'

  And suddenly she was laughing – a bit hysterically, but she certainly seemed to have cheered up which was the main thing. And then she said, 'I'm Georgia, by the way.'

  'And I'm the great Tobey – but you can just call me Tobey.'

  And in that moment a top friendship was born.

  Georgia hasn't even told her mum about all these girls picking on her at school – she's only told me. So I try and give her the best advice my brain cells can manage.

  And tonight I said, 'You've just got to rise above it and never ever let them see you're bothered.'

  FRIDAY MARCH 5TH

  Sensational news:

  Normally Sunday afternoons are dead boring (so are Sunday mornings, come to that. But not this one coming. For Georgia's mum will be zooming along to watch the stars arriving at a film premiere in Leicester Square in London. She often does that. In fact, I glimpsed her on TV once in a great crowd outside a cinema, cheering the stars and getting their autographs. But for the first time ever, she is taking Georgia – 'I think you are now old enough to appreciate an experience like this' – and also me!

  I just know this is going to be a significant event in my life.

  SATURDAY MARCH 6TH

  Did you know people dress up to watch film premieres? No, I didn't either. And normally I hate wearing my suit, but it will be a pleasure for tomorrow.

  Of course my parents don't understand the importance of the occasion at all. I hate to say this, but it is totally beyond them. I thought they gave me my train fare to London very grudgingly too.

  Then Mum asked, 'But what exactly are you going to see?'

  'Another world, Mum,' I replied.

  Chapter Two

  SUNDAY MARCH 7TH

  2.00 p.m.

  I just have to walk out of my house, go down two roads, and there, right at the end of Baker Close is – Hollywood.

  I kid you not. You only have to open the door to Georgia's house and there's Leonardo DiCaprio beaming at you in the hallway, and written underneath the picture in his own completely genuine handwriting is: 'Good luck, Leonardo DiCaprio.'

  Step into the dining room and Brad Pitt is waiting for you . . . with a personally inscribed authentic message. And well, you name the star, you'll find them all here.

  And right in the corner of the dining room, underneath a huge personally signed snap of Tom Cruise displaying all his teeth, is a small black-and-white photo of a girl in a scene from a 1970s film called The Lost Unicorn. It's about a little girl who thinks there's a unicorn in her garden at night and she goes off and has adventures with him. I bet you've seen it; it's on every single Christmas.

  The little girl in it has big, wide eyes and she's signed the picture. She's called Marina Thompson – and she's also Georgia's mum.

  She never had another success to equal The Lost Unicorn. She says she was badly managed and her parents didn't have the knowledge to guide her. But she still loves show business and although she works part-time in a shop called 'Other Worldes', which sells crystals and stuff like that, her main interest is buying and selling celebrity autographs. She's also certain Georgia has inherited her acting talent, so when destiny taps Georgia on the shoulder she'll know exactly how to help her.

  That night she handed out some photographs and posters of the stars who were in tonight's film premiere. 'If you can,' she said, 'try and get them to sign just above their heads.' Next she gave out small white cards; these were for any other celebrities who turned up.
'Cards are so much better than paper for signatures.' She said this very seriously, just as if we were going off on a field trip at school.

  But then she smiled at Georgia and me and said, 'Well, I think you both look marvellous. And it's so important to make an effort for events like these.'

  Next we should have stepped into a taxi. But money for Georgia and her mum is a bit tight, especially after Georgia's dad walked out on them both last year (that's why they downsized here). So instead, we all scurried down the road to catch the bus.

  'The bus stops right by the station so it'll get us there nearly as fast as a taxi,' said Georgia's mum.

  Georgia and I both nodded in agreement.

  'But one day,' I whispered to Georgia, 'we'll get a taxi all the way to London without even thinking about it.'

  4.45 p.m.

  The train was nearly twenty minutes late and there was a hold up on the underground, so we arrived in Leicester Square a bit later than we'd planned.

  Still, I was immediately struck by the awesome splendour of the Odeon, Leicester Square, and especially those two words in huge, glittering letters: FILM PREMIERE. I knew then I was right at the centre of everything that mattered.

  Already there were camera crews being set up and people rushing about and babbling into mobiles. And then we watched this team of men on their hands and knees rolling out the red carpet, which made us feel really behind the scenes. Then I said to Georgia's mum, 'Wouldn't it be funny if someone recognized you from being in The Lost Unicorn?'

  She threw back her head and sighed. 'I'm afraid, Tobey, that was a very long time ago.' Then she shook herself and said, 'Come on, we need to move very quickly now.'

  So we followed her as she expertly weaved her way through the crowds of people. She kept looking round to check we were following her. 'Do try and keep up,' she urged. She tunnelled right to the front of the crowd.

  'Is this where you normally stand?' asked Georgia.

  'Yes, it's a good spot for catching a star's eye.'

  In front of us was this barrier which seemed to stretch on for miles. Meanwhile, there were tons of security people – all in big coats, despite it being a warm day – dashing about with walkie talkies.